24 to 30, to life (Part 2)

  Sideburns had it in his head that this night he had other places to be, and no time to get there.  The truth is, he had no where to be and plenty of time to get there.  Baldy knew this, and held his hostage/captive audience for the start of what was to be Baldy projecting his attributes onto himself.  This may or may not have broken new ground in modern psychology.

  Baldy spoke from his figurative pulpit:  "I know you like to write.  Mostly at this point, it is love poems and carrying on about people with bad musical taste and silly clothes.  More interesting is that the short story you end up writing about meeting a girl from the east coast who feels constantly rushed, with a terminally unsatisfied demeanor about all of life, comes true.   Even down to the beach you describe walking on, how you held hands, and your respective backgrounds.  If I could stress this one thing above all else...STAY INTERESTED IN GIRLS FROM THE WEST OF THE ROCKIES, COLORADO BEING THE ONLY EXCEPTION.  Part of losing the naivete is realizing that staying with your flock tends to work out better than continually trying to prove convention wrong.  You'll use the word 'contrarian' many, many times and find that said 'contrarians' tend to be insufferable...learn to listen for similarities, not differences when in discourse with people you don't know, or do know.  Learn to learn, if that makes sense."

   "What the fuck are you rambling about?"  Sideburns wants another drink.

   Baldy expected this resistance.  "Have you figured out that I really am you, from the future?  That I knew that this is the only place I'd find you after practice?  Also, don't quit this band.  Tony has horrible gas and that is not liable to change.  But so do you and it's a wash."

   "Okay, if you are me, and not Semi-balding(Sideburn's older brother), tell me how many cars I've owned."

   "Too many to consider worthwhile owning.  14ish at this point, and more piles of shit to come.  I broke in to your 4runner and stole the copy of 'The Fragile' that doesn't skip.  I noticed that Weaklings shirt had holes, buy another before 2nd Avenue stops carrying them.  Also, you'll meet this band in a few months, but won't remember most of the show due to that fun libation in your hand.  Want another?  I'm buying."

   At this point a brunette walks buy and 4 eyes follow.

   Baldy returns to the pool game, and Sideburns looks deeply into his own eyes and asks aloud "Does my liver ever fail?"  Baldy says nope, but "Your appendix decides it wants a divorce on Halloween of 2012.  It'll feel just like that hernia you got two years ago.  Say, hows that steady late night diet of McDonalds treating you?"

   "I feel shitty and bloated, but hey the Cajun McChicken seems to have a vice grip on my will to live"

   Baldy offered a conjecture.  "Oddly enough you start to take advice at some point.  The diet advice is one to listen to...lots of veggies and non processed food.  Soon enough, you'll be able to fit in at Whole Foods and New Seasons.  However, Zupans is still out of your league.  Many of your friends become vegetarians, and that always seems to come up in their conversations for some reason."

   For a minute, a haze lifted and Sideburns thought in existential tones.  If Sideburns becomes Baldy, doesn't this whole night ruin the art of surprise?  Where is the thrill of discovery?

   Baldy jumps in.  "Right now, you might be wondering things like, 'does this whole night ruin the art of surprise, and the thrill of discovery?' and the answer is that you won't remember most of this, as you don't remember a lot of nights at Yurs.  So feel free to go make an ass of yourself, you are accepted and are in good company."

   "Company, company, compan...oh shit do I still work at Costco?"  Sideburns finally found a subject that he wanted to talk about, other than his favorite topic, which was himself.

   "Yes, so let's go on a walk bud, you look like you need fresh air.  Also people see you piss in that rose bush on 17th, each and every time you do it.  Also, those who see your ass hanging out in the street here are liable to remember."

   Off went the odd couple, heading north towards Slabtown.