Let sleeping dogs lie
Strong avoidance is your path
Got the same result.
Monday, November 3, 2014
The Rise to Fall
Just chemicals and neurotransmitters doling out serotonin..
This is what she felt the rewards were to any kind of achievement.
She could point to hedonistic adaptation, also to the basic void which is our emptiness.
He was happy to have got a compliment, some kind of validation for the stress.
However fleeting, she said.
This is what she felt the rewards were to any kind of achievement.
She could point to hedonistic adaptation, also to the basic void which is our emptiness.
He was happy to have got a compliment, some kind of validation for the stress.
However fleeting, she said.
Saturday, July 5, 2014
All in all, we are ego
The words were somewhat inspiring, a Target canvas a way from being hung on a mid-twenty year old girl's wall.
His inner critic immediately went on the defense, pointing out that the words reminded him of a horoscope: vague, and universally applicable...nothing daring or slightly risky. Easy platitudes, he thought.
One had to admire her for putting her thoughts on display. Thoughts that read just like his did, when he put them on display, in his mid-twenties. I
His inner critic immediately went on the defense, pointing out that the words reminded him of a horoscope: vague, and universally applicable...nothing daring or slightly risky. Easy platitudes, he thought.
One had to admire her for putting her thoughts on display. Thoughts that read just like his did, when he put them on display, in his mid-twenties. I
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Emo...uh oh.
Gray, gray, gray
Whereas everything had it's simple characteristic stages(black, white, left, right)
Most of all it now was an undistinguished gray.
We learn not to live in extremes as we get past our formative years
and are told that happiness is this absence of extremes.
So you learn to:
Feel
Reason
Think
And not be too harsh on yourself for doing so.
If you are sad be sad.
If you are happy be happy.
If you are indifferent, be indifferent.
Intense experiences can make the next ones easier, and less 'all or nothing'
Those still stuck in the left or right phase(some never get out!) aren't people to keep close.
They lack the perspective to see that black and white are both sides of the same coin.
And you can't have one without the other, hence the gray.
Without down there is no 'up' and sometimes that's all we have to get through trying times.
Whereas everything had it's simple characteristic stages(black, white, left, right)
Most of all it now was an undistinguished gray.
We learn not to live in extremes as we get past our formative years
and are told that happiness is this absence of extremes.
So you learn to:
Feel
Reason
Think
And not be too harsh on yourself for doing so.
If you are sad be sad.
If you are happy be happy.
If you are indifferent, be indifferent.
Intense experiences can make the next ones easier, and less 'all or nothing'
Those still stuck in the left or right phase(some never get out!) aren't people to keep close.
They lack the perspective to see that black and white are both sides of the same coin.
And you can't have one without the other, hence the gray.
Without down there is no 'up' and sometimes that's all we have to get through trying times.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Another haiku, always thought out beforehand, except for right now
In ponds they saw light
In skin they saw their beauty
Flawed but right on course
In skin they saw their beauty
Flawed but right on course
Three up, none down.
Where did his stuff go?
The walls are just pictures of a pretty little girl and her paintings
It was the two of them
No cat
No negativity
Just the stages of learning how to be a dad, and learning how to be a daughter
They were smiling in the pictures
They were smiling on the trails
They were smiling in each other's company
And neither wanted anything more
Well, one of them wanted that cat.
The walls are just pictures of a pretty little girl and her paintings
It was the two of them
No cat
No negativity
Just the stages of learning how to be a dad, and learning how to be a daughter
They were smiling in the pictures
They were smiling on the trails
They were smiling in each other's company
And neither wanted anything more
Well, one of them wanted that cat.
24 to 30, to life (Part 2)
Sideburns had it in his head that this night he had other places to be, and no time to get there. The truth is, he had no where to be and plenty of time to get there. Baldy knew this, and held his hostage/captive audience for the start of what was to be Baldy projecting his attributes onto himself. This may or may not have broken new ground in modern psychology.
Baldy spoke from his figurative pulpit: "I know you like to write. Mostly at this point, it is love poems and carrying on about people with bad musical taste and silly clothes. More interesting is that the short story you end up writing about meeting a girl from the east coast who feels constantly rushed, with a terminally unsatisfied demeanor about all of life, comes true. Even down to the beach you describe walking on, how you held hands, and your respective backgrounds. If I could stress this one thing above all else...STAY INTERESTED IN GIRLS FROM THE WEST OF THE ROCKIES, COLORADO BEING THE ONLY EXCEPTION. Part of losing the naivete is realizing that staying with your flock tends to work out better than continually trying to prove convention wrong. You'll use the word 'contrarian' many, many times and find that said 'contrarians' tend to be insufferable...learn to listen for similarities, not differences when in discourse with people you don't know, or do know. Learn to learn, if that makes sense."
"What the fuck are you rambling about?" Sideburns wants another drink.
Baldy expected this resistance. "Have you figured out that I really am you, from the future? That I knew that this is the only place I'd find you after practice? Also, don't quit this band. Tony has horrible gas and that is not liable to change. But so do you and it's a wash."
"Okay, if you are me, and not Semi-balding(Sideburn's older brother), tell me how many cars I've owned."
"Too many to consider worthwhile owning. 14ish at this point, and more piles of shit to come. I broke in to your 4runner and stole the copy of 'The Fragile' that doesn't skip. I noticed that Weaklings shirt had holes, buy another before 2nd Avenue stops carrying them. Also, you'll meet this band in a few months, but won't remember most of the show due to that fun libation in your hand. Want another? I'm buying."
At this point a brunette walks buy and 4 eyes follow.
Baldy returns to the pool game, and Sideburns looks deeply into his own eyes and asks aloud "Does my liver ever fail?" Baldy says nope, but "Your appendix decides it wants a divorce on Halloween of 2012. It'll feel just like that hernia you got two years ago. Say, hows that steady late night diet of McDonalds treating you?"
"I feel shitty and bloated, but hey the Cajun McChicken seems to have a vice grip on my will to live"
Baldy offered a conjecture. "Oddly enough you start to take advice at some point. The diet advice is one to listen to...lots of veggies and non processed food. Soon enough, you'll be able to fit in at Whole Foods and New Seasons. However, Zupans is still out of your league. Many of your friends become vegetarians, and that always seems to come up in their conversations for some reason."
For a minute, a haze lifted and Sideburns thought in existential tones. If Sideburns becomes Baldy, doesn't this whole night ruin the art of surprise? Where is the thrill of discovery?
Baldy jumps in. "Right now, you might be wondering things like, 'does this whole night ruin the art of surprise, and the thrill of discovery?' and the answer is that you won't remember most of this, as you don't remember a lot of nights at Yurs. So feel free to go make an ass of yourself, you are accepted and are in good company."
"Company, company, compan...oh shit do I still work at Costco?" Sideburns finally found a subject that he wanted to talk about, other than his favorite topic, which was himself.
"Yes, so let's go on a walk bud, you look like you need fresh air. Also people see you piss in that rose bush on 17th, each and every time you do it. Also, those who see your ass hanging out in the street here are liable to remember."
Off went the odd couple, heading north towards Slabtown.
Baldy spoke from his figurative pulpit: "I know you like to write. Mostly at this point, it is love poems and carrying on about people with bad musical taste and silly clothes. More interesting is that the short story you end up writing about meeting a girl from the east coast who feels constantly rushed, with a terminally unsatisfied demeanor about all of life, comes true. Even down to the beach you describe walking on, how you held hands, and your respective backgrounds. If I could stress this one thing above all else...STAY INTERESTED IN GIRLS FROM THE WEST OF THE ROCKIES, COLORADO BEING THE ONLY EXCEPTION. Part of losing the naivete is realizing that staying with your flock tends to work out better than continually trying to prove convention wrong. You'll use the word 'contrarian' many, many times and find that said 'contrarians' tend to be insufferable...learn to listen for similarities, not differences when in discourse with people you don't know, or do know. Learn to learn, if that makes sense."
"What the fuck are you rambling about?" Sideburns wants another drink.
Baldy expected this resistance. "Have you figured out that I really am you, from the future? That I knew that this is the only place I'd find you after practice? Also, don't quit this band. Tony has horrible gas and that is not liable to change. But so do you and it's a wash."
"Okay, if you are me, and not Semi-balding(Sideburn's older brother), tell me how many cars I've owned."
"Too many to consider worthwhile owning. 14ish at this point, and more piles of shit to come. I broke in to your 4runner and stole the copy of 'The Fragile' that doesn't skip. I noticed that Weaklings shirt had holes, buy another before 2nd Avenue stops carrying them. Also, you'll meet this band in a few months, but won't remember most of the show due to that fun libation in your hand. Want another? I'm buying."
At this point a brunette walks buy and 4 eyes follow.
Baldy returns to the pool game, and Sideburns looks deeply into his own eyes and asks aloud "Does my liver ever fail?" Baldy says nope, but "Your appendix decides it wants a divorce on Halloween of 2012. It'll feel just like that hernia you got two years ago. Say, hows that steady late night diet of McDonalds treating you?"
"I feel shitty and bloated, but hey the Cajun McChicken seems to have a vice grip on my will to live"
Baldy offered a conjecture. "Oddly enough you start to take advice at some point. The diet advice is one to listen to...lots of veggies and non processed food. Soon enough, you'll be able to fit in at Whole Foods and New Seasons. However, Zupans is still out of your league. Many of your friends become vegetarians, and that always seems to come up in their conversations for some reason."
For a minute, a haze lifted and Sideburns thought in existential tones. If Sideburns becomes Baldy, doesn't this whole night ruin the art of surprise? Where is the thrill of discovery?
Baldy jumps in. "Right now, you might be wondering things like, 'does this whole night ruin the art of surprise, and the thrill of discovery?' and the answer is that you won't remember most of this, as you don't remember a lot of nights at Yurs. So feel free to go make an ass of yourself, you are accepted and are in good company."
"Company, company, compan...oh shit do I still work at Costco?" Sideburns finally found a subject that he wanted to talk about, other than his favorite topic, which was himself.
"Yes, so let's go on a walk bud, you look like you need fresh air. Also people see you piss in that rose bush on 17th, each and every time you do it. Also, those who see your ass hanging out in the street here are liable to remember."
Off went the odd couple, heading north towards Slabtown.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
24 to 30, to life (Part 1)
He sat at the bar next to the odd fellow in a Weaklings t-shirt, cargo shorts, and an almost pretentious hat. One man, 205lbs with sideburns. The other, 205lbs and rapidly balding. Our initial man ordered a diet coke to Mr. Sideburn's whiskey diet, well grade naturally. This was Yurs on a Sunday night, springtime of 2008.
"Say, do you seem like my brother, only balder" said Sideburns to Baldy. Baldy says back "more than you'll ever know, friend." Both seemed to enjoy the other's company however Sideburns had judged the other man almost instantly, curious as to why he would invade the oh so valuable to him personal space. 4 feet, minimum. unless it was a girl.
"So, the first of January of 09 you won't be able to smoke in here, enjoy those Marlboros while you can. You'll miss the ambiance that the smoke offers, once and awhile" said Baldy. "At some point, you'll realize you are better off without the whiskey, too." "Ok, damn, you like to preach. Also, you are sitting too close. Let's go shoot some pool so Luke, Tony and the girls don't listen to this conversation. Sage advice isn't given freely, you know...or excepted freely, either" shot back a slightly irritated Sideburns.
Baldy let Sideburns break, as he knew that it was futile to sit and wait for the other to make a decision. Baldy also took back the reins of the conversation.
"I'm going to lay this out. Eventually you'll learn that being direct and honest is an asset. I am you, aged 6 years. 30 feels much, much different. I can only tell you my experience, and it's not worthwhile to preach, as it is your nature to try things first despite forewarning or sense...you think that you're the exception to the rule, and that maybe those rules don't apply to you."
"I'm all ears. I'm slightly drunk, and I'll lend an ear since someone keeps playing this shitty Bad Religion album on the jukebox."
"Eventually you learn the art of critical thought without a pint in ya, and what a difference this makes. Also, empathy -a foreign word to you at this point- rears it's reasonable head after you have Bella...Oh shit, Bella."
"Bella? I heard that they are making a movie from those horrid 'Twilight' books."
"Here's a shock. You, the man who swears he is infertile due to his risky behavior has a child. Here, take a look. Oh yeah, you give in and buy a smartphone too. Look at all these pics..."
Baldy hands over his phone to Sideburns, who lights up at the prospect of having a phone that he can listen to music on, and maybe even watch porn from time to time. After looking through all 500 plus pics, Sideburns hands it back. Suddenly, his Nokia doesn't feel so versatile...the pics are so grainy.
"Good to see I still take pics of everything and send them to people. Okay, so I have a daughter, and she looks a lot like me, tall and almost heaven sent." Sideburns had a way with words. "I don't see a wedding ring, did you steal this kid?" "Nope, " states Baldy, "You are about to go through an insane ride the next few years, perhaps this is why your hair ends up as mine. It'll be tough, but you get through, and learn that all those seemingly worthless platitudes such as 'hang in there' and 'one day at a time' actually have meaning and bearing in the world."
"Alright, did the Jehovah's Witnesses send you? I sense religion here..." Sideburns felt put upon. "No, that Zen ideology you flirted with 2 years ago comes back, and actually works...but don't be too preachy about it. It's best left to yourself." Baldy paused, took a drag of Sideburn's cigarette, and continued. "You'll learn to respect much more, which is a bonus. But about your kid...you do the normal route...marriage, kid, house. There are beautiful moments in all this, however at some point, probably somewhere in the next 2 years, you realize that this girl isn't a sure bet. All those people who you are sitting with, and hanging out with outside of this bar, drift away as you focus on covering an axe wound with a band aid. Fortunately, you picked some great people, and they come back, from Dave to Steve, and all of your family, and everyone in between."
"Shit, where do I go?" Sideburns was curious.
"Beaverton. After you leave John's Landing, everything flips script, so write all you can, keep it somewhere, and prepare to learn a lot. Tone down the arrogance while your at it, your friends aren't idiots and the whole bravado shtick wears thin...respect their intelligence, and the intelligence of even the most seemingly dimwitted people at your job. They come in handy. Here is why..."
Sideburns goes back to the table to grab his cigarettes. "Alright guys, I'm going to listen to this preachy fuck for awhile, holler if you need me." His comrades go back to fart and dick jokes, tastefully done, while Sideburns offers Baldy another smoke and they continue on.
"Say, do you seem like my brother, only balder" said Sideburns to Baldy. Baldy says back "more than you'll ever know, friend." Both seemed to enjoy the other's company however Sideburns had judged the other man almost instantly, curious as to why he would invade the oh so valuable to him personal space. 4 feet, minimum. unless it was a girl.
"So, the first of January of 09 you won't be able to smoke in here, enjoy those Marlboros while you can. You'll miss the ambiance that the smoke offers, once and awhile" said Baldy. "At some point, you'll realize you are better off without the whiskey, too." "Ok, damn, you like to preach. Also, you are sitting too close. Let's go shoot some pool so Luke, Tony and the girls don't listen to this conversation. Sage advice isn't given freely, you know...or excepted freely, either" shot back a slightly irritated Sideburns.
Baldy let Sideburns break, as he knew that it was futile to sit and wait for the other to make a decision. Baldy also took back the reins of the conversation.
"I'm going to lay this out. Eventually you'll learn that being direct and honest is an asset. I am you, aged 6 years. 30 feels much, much different. I can only tell you my experience, and it's not worthwhile to preach, as it is your nature to try things first despite forewarning or sense...you think that you're the exception to the rule, and that maybe those rules don't apply to you."
"I'm all ears. I'm slightly drunk, and I'll lend an ear since someone keeps playing this shitty Bad Religion album on the jukebox."
"Eventually you learn the art of critical thought without a pint in ya, and what a difference this makes. Also, empathy -a foreign word to you at this point- rears it's reasonable head after you have Bella...Oh shit, Bella."
"Bella? I heard that they are making a movie from those horrid 'Twilight' books."
"Here's a shock. You, the man who swears he is infertile due to his risky behavior has a child. Here, take a look. Oh yeah, you give in and buy a smartphone too. Look at all these pics..."
Baldy hands over his phone to Sideburns, who lights up at the prospect of having a phone that he can listen to music on, and maybe even watch porn from time to time. After looking through all 500 plus pics, Sideburns hands it back. Suddenly, his Nokia doesn't feel so versatile...the pics are so grainy.
"Good to see I still take pics of everything and send them to people. Okay, so I have a daughter, and she looks a lot like me, tall and almost heaven sent." Sideburns had a way with words. "I don't see a wedding ring, did you steal this kid?" "Nope, " states Baldy, "You are about to go through an insane ride the next few years, perhaps this is why your hair ends up as mine. It'll be tough, but you get through, and learn that all those seemingly worthless platitudes such as 'hang in there' and 'one day at a time' actually have meaning and bearing in the world."
"Alright, did the Jehovah's Witnesses send you? I sense religion here..." Sideburns felt put upon. "No, that Zen ideology you flirted with 2 years ago comes back, and actually works...but don't be too preachy about it. It's best left to yourself." Baldy paused, took a drag of Sideburn's cigarette, and continued. "You'll learn to respect much more, which is a bonus. But about your kid...you do the normal route...marriage, kid, house. There are beautiful moments in all this, however at some point, probably somewhere in the next 2 years, you realize that this girl isn't a sure bet. All those people who you are sitting with, and hanging out with outside of this bar, drift away as you focus on covering an axe wound with a band aid. Fortunately, you picked some great people, and they come back, from Dave to Steve, and all of your family, and everyone in between."
"Shit, where do I go?" Sideburns was curious.
"Beaverton. After you leave John's Landing, everything flips script, so write all you can, keep it somewhere, and prepare to learn a lot. Tone down the arrogance while your at it, your friends aren't idiots and the whole bravado shtick wears thin...respect their intelligence, and the intelligence of even the most seemingly dimwitted people at your job. They come in handy. Here is why..."
Sideburns goes back to the table to grab his cigarettes. "Alright guys, I'm going to listen to this preachy fuck for awhile, holler if you need me." His comrades go back to fart and dick jokes, tastefully done, while Sideburns offers Baldy another smoke and they continue on.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
This is time for the - Haiku heavily revised - Please read only once
Rocks spun lovely circles
Waves ate rocks upon sandstone
Pictures from up high
Waves ate rocks upon sandstone
Pictures from up high
4 Times Struck
In all truth she had,
no time for me
no respect for me
no love for me
But somehow,
we made it 4 years
the last year apart
and I couldn't feel better
So...
who comes next?
Does she have time for me?
Love for herself?
Patience for growing?
We will find out.
no time for me
no respect for me
no love for me
But somehow,
we made it 4 years
the last year apart
and I couldn't feel better
So...
who comes next?
Does she have time for me?
Love for herself?
Patience for growing?
We will find out.
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