The usual and then some

The day I stopped being cool.

2010-06-16T16:25:00.000-07:00

It's a common action for those of us reaching their mid-to-late-ish-almost 30-twenties to reflect back into childhood, high school jr. and high school. It's almost a tradition to talk amongst others who reminisce about how we talked, dressed, what we drove, and most importantly, listened to.

I'm not above this ritual, as who couldn't crack a smile at myself ten years ago, with a VW Corrado with ten inch woofers, nice polo shirts, and a hairline that promised a handsome future. I WAS cool. No, bro, seriously. I thought I had all the bases covered...loved Slayer and Motorhead(still do) listened to slow jams on JAMMIN 95.5(heard it's back, will do so) and weighed all of 170 lbs. At my current height. I skateboarded almost competently and threw a javelin on the track team. Even though I refused to admit it(we all did) my clothes and taste in music defined me MUCH more than my personality.

I thought the most punk rock thing to do was register as a republican...Nowadays I intentify with the libertarians. Still registered with the party although I didn't vote for McCain or believe in the war in Iraq.

So fast forward to the middle of January, 2009. At Lincoln City, I found the identity I never knew existed: I stopped giving a shit at the BiMart in said town. Looking at camping gear, I realized that though I could afford it, the North Face camping gear was over-priced and of no superior quality to the $10 rain gear ahead of me, complete with Real Tree™ lining.

From that moment on, labels meant nothing. And not in an ironic, hipster way either, since much effort is still put into that style, regardless of the pretense of "wearing what I slept in after an arcade fire show" kind of cadence.

From then all out, it was function over form...the only last vestige of stylish hope for me comes in what I drive...still toyota SUVs after owning 5 of them. But alas, I landed the woman of my dreams AFTER I came to realistic sense. I'm happily married, have a child on the way, drive a 4runner, listen to Pantera, and cheer on Ron Paul, but only after listening to "I need love" by LL Cool J.

So I guess it isn't all bad...

-Nick

Faces of Meth or my trip to the deep east.

2009-03-30T13:01:00.000-07:00

159th and Division. This was the destination of my travels that day, a day in which I found a ultra rare 2 door 2nd generation 4runner. This is my holy grail of my 4runner purchases, as a stiff tariff on the trucks in 1990 made a bad business case for the Japanese, who in turn exported 4 door 4runners that skirted the tariff. I've only seen one in my life, which was t-boned by 4 of us teenagers back in my skateboarding days. The guy was fine, but his uber rare truck was toast. Our proud volvo, on the other hand, made it home with a busted radiator. But that is another story in and of itself which I can tell later.

So since fun camp will be right around the corner, I found myself a rare Toyota and figured the ways to allow for payments. This sucker is mine, I told myself over and over in a futile nature which I can't escape. I have a weird issue around this time of year in which I make a mad dash to buy something that can serve as a tent and an off road champion.

The deep east of Portland has never been kind to me. Most of my bad automotive purchases stem from the area. It really is another way of life out there. Coming from ultra pretentious Johns Landing, or Goose Hollow, there is a marked contrast in the citizens of the area.

Alarming aspect #1: Everyone walking the street has bitter beer face, usually a good sign of meth/crack addiction and a lifetime of generic brand cigarettes.

Alarming aspect #2: Birth Control is a foreign concept in these parts. The archetype seems to be this...15-16year old girl pushing stroller, stringy hair usually pulled back, wearing her deadbeat boyfriend's(you are the father!!! says Maury Povich) LugZ™ sweat shirt. And yes, she is smoking. The only time I've seen an abundance of tots with tots like this harks back to my bimonthly trips to Olympia(near Fort Lewis) and all of the Pregnant? billboards that litter the area.

Alarming aspect #3: In 3 blocks, all dumpsters were being picked clean by upstanding citizens who need a snack. Salvation army should just start operating at bus shelters. Also, anyone over the age of 30 is wearing the finest in 1980's fashions, such as acid washed jeans and full Canadian Tuxedos.

Alarming aspect #4: Check cashing, liquor, dollar store, and Churches bordering wire lined fences are the only shops out here, aside from easy credit auto lots, which frankly are a draw for me.

So what did the day bring? Let's take inventory...

I got a 500% interest rate title loan, 2 bottles of night train, a hit of Jesus, and an 89 Chevrolet Beretta that I'll financed for an 85 month loan. Oh and some meth. So me and my new gal Misti(or Trixy, I really can't recall) are expecting, and celebrating with some Magnum Malt Liquor. There might be something to be learned from all this, but I'm not sure what it is. Expect my english to get progressively worse and ThEn ILLL B TYPIN AllL Up IN DIZ betch.

-Nick aka Lil SKrAPz

ps I didn't buy the truck...too many miles. Eyes still wide open for another.

pps my face really itches and scratching for days on end seems to be a good idea. That's not dust on the hardwood floor, its the ash from my skin that makes Mount St. Helens seem like a 3rd grader's science experiment. That's what the chemical cocktail of meth does, I guess.

The wicked?

2009-03-24T20:06:00.000-07:00

It's been a fun ride, these past few years. And although I am nowhere near any level of wisdom, I can't help but notice patterns and in turn somehow dictate future actions of my own, or others in this fashion. It's a sense of elation, relief and caution in which I go out and do any kind of action.

I've been incredibly careful in the past few years about who I've become close to, friendship or relationship wise. It's all too easy to get a bad instinct about someone, give the benefit of the doubt, only to be let down pretty brutally later on. I know that my personal beliefs and expectations are just that: personal. And I can't hold anyone to all the standards of which I try to live by and practice. There is a common theme that has emerged from those I am close to, and those who inspire me... just the basic idea of generosity and the forethought of actions.

Strength is also a huge factor in all this. Strength is kindness, strength is compassion, strength is being honest. It's not being a pushover by any means, as my best way to deal with unsavory characters is to simply ignore them...not let them close, or regain any certain ground they previously had. Everyone has their intrinsic nature, and every once in awhile it mixes with mine, or those I consider truly respectable. Give me a year with a different gal every week, or give me a gal who I'll love for a year. I'll always choose the latter.

Cheap debasing or intentional dishonesty towards a person is a good way to stay around those who in turn will do the same to you. The early twenties bullshit got old at 19 and completely worn out at 24. In relating to my last writing, there have been elements cropping up that give me hope for new adventures that don't revolve worn out scenes or shady people. Now without school, where else would you go to meet people interested in theology, the lack thereof, or just a general hour of peace? Hmmm. Got an idea, though I doubt Church is for me. I don't like talking about The Four Noble Truths with drunks on Burnside either.

Either or, I think everyone knows as we get older to trust instincts, and I hope you all hang on to those around you who really care about who you are, not what you offer. Those with a sense of humor that matches your own. Those who can raise a pint through the best and worst. It's a bright f'n future, just be open to new ideas and people who sincerely, honestly kick ass.

What's all the commotion?

2009-03-08T23:14:00.000-07:00

Countless times I've been to countless outings, dates, concerts, walks in the park, random circumstances, what have you, etc... and pretty much, everything seems the damn same. Routine is a serious dullard. It goes for work, girls I've dated, places I've been, anything else! Nothing is surprising, in any sense, any more. What does one do with complete boredom?

Really, there is a healthy dollop of weird circumstance that goes through the ins and outs of life. But nothing has been awesome, such as a buddy growing another nose or the bag lady on the block randomly growing 10 feet tall.

Maybe movies and an over-active imagination fried my perception from early on, but nothing has stoked the fires since the last time I met God almost falling into the Pacific from 90 feet...but that's another story entirely...although I routinely hike the same spot. Almost looking for more trouble and a use to spring the survival instinct into action. Skydiving is really the next logical step. See, drinking and normal bar routine is just that, routine. Nothing out of the ordinary, maybe you meet someone new, maybe the cockeyed gal checking you out all night will write down her number, only to be passed on to a dude, sitting one booth over, to awkwardly give you. She just might come sit down by you later on and you might have to lie about your circumstance in the dating world because you want to let her down easy. Dammit why wasn't she the gal 3 booths over! Fuck.

And without the use of more commas those things will be hilarious. But not groundbreaking!

So with great pleasure I head to the American southwest for a couple of days. If there isn't great stories to tell upon returning then I haven't done a damn thing to rectify my boredom, now have I?

Your friend in Chaos,

-Nick

Free hand and the lost art of leisure.

2009-03-02T20:39:00.000-08:00

Once again, back at the blog idea. Out come the ideas, insight, and belated ideas from the Ides of March.

In the midst of a financial meltdown, balding, increasing taxes, plight of the middle class, fast food and flat tires, I've found peace and solace. That's right, peace and solace. More and more I find myself caring less and less about all the negative, paranoid actions and thoughts of the television, newspaper, and all other media. I am not immune, as my 401k is falling further towards oblivion, and even though I do alright I have come to terms with not being able to buy a house by 30, as was my original intention.

One thing I can rely on is the morning. My absolute favorite part of the day, along with the upcoming spring are intertwined with my belief that as humans, the most basic things really are all we need are ingrained into our nature, and are best left as they are. Eating, sleeping, exercise, and companionship, in the form of friendship, family, or love.

I'd never thought I'd subscribe to the basic ideas of having less and less, but in turn gaining more. I dislike the rat race idea behind our whole lives, and what we are brought up to believe. The basics really do mean the most. So really, who the hell thought me as a prior right-leaning person would use rational thought to come to an idealist conclusion? It's the middle ground for me these days, doing my best to understand balance in life, nature, and thought.

So it is easy for me to be in the midst of several obnoxious cohorts, or amongst the tide of a rough Oregon coast, staring at nothing. Like a fool, for hours and hours...no words, thought, or anything. So easy is it to be clouded that the only thing one needs to do is count breath to ten, relax the belly, and completely give no mind to thought. Repeat over and over and anxiety, you find, is gone.

Perhaps this dedicated blabbermouth who always needs the last word will leave this idea.

Give it a shot.

-Nick